Cogito ergo sum

Cogito ergo sum – René Descartes

Watch your thoughts, for they usually become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny. - Frank Outlaw

These words do not concern identity, yet I like to see them in this light. "I think therefore I am" in other words, I can be whomever I want to be.  This can come handy in a variety of situations but at the same time, it is a burden.

I can recall my two middle-school year as the first one as hell and the other as purgatory. Seventh grade was hell, a surprise to me as I had been waiting for that year for so long.  During the whole year, I was a dedicated student in some classes. In others, I was a shrewd and mischievous troublemaker. My attention devoted to have laugh in my classes, was not a problem. Never did I get a failing grade, as I am lucky, blessed with intelligence by the almighty. Also in no way did I notice this bipolar behavior. My attitudes were dynamic as my thoughts, filling the year of stress.

After a year of tensions, I finally gave in. During the last week of school, I did not want to attend classes. I want to remain at home. I felt tired and stressed, the year had caught up with me. I begged my mother. Nevertheless, my mom forced me to go the second to last day of school. That day we, a few accomplices and I, placed several smoke bombs in school. We were caught. The school suspended me the last day of school, got probation status in school, and my mother told me I was grounded me  the whole summer. Even though the punishment did not last the whole summer, it gave me enough time to think and analyze my situation. I was going into eight grade, one year before high school which what counts I thought, on probation. This meant that a minor fault could get me expelled. Changing became necessary.


During the vacation, I saw what happened throughout seventh grade. I realized how I could change my thoughts, words, actions, habits and character in matter of minute. I had an epiphany, just like I did before I could change my attitude, my character and actions as quick. I walked into a new school year with many new things. New teachers, including high school teachers for my high school classes, along with new classmate were one of those new things everything seemed somehow different.

However, Alejandro Viluce remained to be Alejandro Viluce, only with new goals. I spent my year trying to change habits. Blurting out, both correct answers and nonsense remained like reflexes along with many other disturbing behaviors. It proved to be a formidable task. Even today, I have problems trying to control my impulsive behavior along with my passive-aggressive behavior. Never the less my will and my thoughts prevailed.

Somehow when faced with the question who am I? I just do not have an answer. I do not know who I am at this moment. Being born in one country, being of certain age, and belonging to certain religion does not determine completely whom you are. One is left with the choice to determine their character through their thoughts.   

Now I am not rebellious kid anymore because I decided not to. I will never be able to change the fact that I was born in Panama, neither it is my desire. At this moment, I could simply be another rebellious, unruly, shortsighted Panamanian student. Or think there is something for me to do, think that there can be a better world and be a intelligent, prudent, creative Panamanian student. Determining your character and your self is matter of determination and thought